What's In a Name?

Last month, my association changed its name. The new name is distinctive, memorable and kinda awesome (in my humble opinion). So of course, this got me thinking about the most frequently asked question of me lately, "So, Melissa, are you going back to Radford?"

You'd think it wouldn't stump me every time. The marriage is over and I should just let go of the name, right? But here's the thing... Melissa Sharp is a way better name. There. I said it. But that's just me being shallow. Over the past 5 years I have made this name my brand professionally. When people hear Melissa Sharp, I hope they think "passionate about the mission, funny and energetic." (At least, those were the responses given to my personal brand survey - and I felt totally validated!) When they hear Melissa Radford what will they think (I'm not talking about those who knew me then - I know what you all think!)? I know I'll still be all of those things. I mean a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet. (You knew I had to quote Shakespeare in this post, right?)

Now for some honesty. Once I change back to Radford, it tells the whole world that my marriage is over. And even though I know it is the right thing for me, it still feels like I'm publicly admitting failure. And I know that shouldn't matter... but it does.

Why can't this decision be as easy as changing your shoes? When I went to the reception celebrating my organization's name change, I was wearing my third choice of shoes for that day. I started with the 5 inch platform Christian Louboutin shabooties, but didn't think I could stand at a reception in them. Then I changed into the kitten heeled patent leather Calvin Klein shabooties but they didn't feel special enough. I finally landed on the above pictured Laundry by Shelli Segal black suede boots with platinum heel and trim. Aren't they spectacular?

So I ask you - what's in a name?

Love Kills Slowly

As I've mentioned before, I'm extreme. Either happy and laughing or dark and twisty (yes, I stole this from Grey's Anatomy but it is totally appropriate). When I'm dark and twisty, my footwear taste is a bit different. Enter my Ed Hardy "Love Kills Slowly" snow boots. I fell in love with them and had to have them during a difficult time in my life. I not only like what they say but they are knee high, silver and fur-lined. I mean, what's not to love?

But the other day I wore these boots and got to thinking, does love really kill slowly? The saying goes, "you can't help who you love"; but is that true? And if it is, and the love is something that isn't good for you, is it the love that kills you slowly or your choices about said love? We've all been there... a relationship we intuitively know is bad for us yet we stay in it. Why do we stay? Is it truly because we can't turn our back on love?Or is it because we don't have the courage to walk away?

I wish I had the answer to this when I was in my 20s... in the end, I walked away. But then, it wasn't really love anyway.

I know, that is a lot to think about on a cold Monday. But unlike our snowfall this winter, my thoughts are deep!

Other People

Sometimes it is amazing to me how concerned people are about other people's lives. Which is somewhat contradictory because I am fascinated by others but I think I have some limits. Like I would never ask people to confirm a rumor about themselves. And I would never ask a colleague if their divorce was hostile. I mean boundaries are a good thing, right? I know my filter isn't always on but I try to draw the line at invading people's personal lives...

Which then leads me to wonder how concerned I am about what other people think. In my younger days I was VERY concerned, but as I get older and more comfortable in my skin it seems to matter less and less. I mean, people are going to talk regardless of what I do and I can only control my own actions.

Which is why I was kind of impressed when a CEO (who shall remain nameless) walked into my office wearing 2 different shoes yesterday. He got dressed in the dark and didn't notice until pulling into the parking garage at his office building. Once there, he decided that it would be more fun to see how observant his staff was than to go home and change. Now, I would definitely not be seen with 2 different shoes but I appreciate his willingness to make fun of himself and not really care what others think. Not taking yourself too seriously is a wonderful trait and we should all take a lesson...

But I did have a serious conversation with him about the black socks!

Off to a Good Start

I was ready for 2010 to come to an end. Truth be told, it was the most bittersweet year of my life. A lot of changes and I'm not sure what comes next. But I do know that I am making a good home for me, Stella & Sophie. It is scary, for sure, but isn't change always scary?

So it seems fitting that on the last day of 2010, we got blinds. Yep, we have been living in this house for 14 months with temporary blinds. Pathetic but very telling about the road we'd been traveling. So now we have beautiful blinds (on the first floor at least) and every night I close them and every morning I open them. Who knew I would ever be so excited about blinds?

But lest you think I've completely lost my mind, on the first day of 2011 I bought these beauties. No, they aren't the Bucket List Boots. I mean do you seriously think I could splurge on those right now? I'm the proud owner of blinds, remember? Anyway, they are still "delicious" as one facebook friend called them - black, suede, over the knee platforms with 5 inch heels. (And if you want to know where I'll wear these, let me tell you. Out with the girls, to the grocery store, to a dinner party - shoot, I'll wear them while operating my Kitchen Aid mixer! Who knows... I'll wear them everywhere!)

And I get to spend the second day of 2011 with my bestie and her family. And I know there are a bunch of special moments in store for me today. I don't know about you, but I think 2011 is off to a great start. Happy New Year!

Different Shapes and Sizes

As I sat in Christmas mass last night, I looked at all of the families filling the pews. In front of me was a family of 4 plus grandparents. To the left of them, a mom and 2 daughters. Behind me, a couple with a very cranky toddler. To the right, a woman about 10 years older than me who cried the whole mass. And me.

All I've ever wanted was a family of my own, and I had always imagined it would mean me, a husband, and a kid or 2. But as I looked around Holy Trinity, I realized that families, like shoes, come in all shapes and sizes. I guess I've always known that, but never applied it to my life.

As the priest talked about Jesus bringing light to the world when it was in its darkest time, so did that realization bring light to mine. So this morning, I watched Sophie and Stella investigate the toys "Santa" left for them under our tree. It is Christmas morning. It is a time to be grateful for the blessings in my life... my differently shaped and sized family. And I can't wait to see what is on the horizon for me and my pups in Christmases to come.

I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas.

"You Got a Real Tree???"

This weekend, I put up a Christmas tree. I have to admit, a few of my friends actually seemed surprised by this. Part of the surprise was the expense (it's a 7 foot Frasier Fir from a fancy nursery not far from my house), part was the labor (sometimes it is easier to find a strong man than you think), part was the idea of decorating a tree for no reason other than my own enjoyment (I do have girlfriends coming over this holiday season). I get it, I do. But getting a tree was important. First of all, I've never NOT had a tree. I remember my first single girl's tree trimming party when I lived by myself in Yonkers, NY. I wore the cutest red dress and got hammered on blackberry schnapps as my friends said "Ding!" every time we drank (the sound of a bell ringing can send me into dry heaves to this day).

So why should this year be any different? Yes, I am in transition. But Stella and Sophie deserve a tree. And having their stockings hung by the chimney (gas fireplace) with care (if I can ever find stocking holders that I actually like). Besides, how will Santa find us if we don't have a tree?

So I'm decorating and tree trimming. I hope Santa comes after all this effort. And what do I want for Christmas? Happiness and health for myself and those I love. Maybe a little more patience - particularly with myself. And faith. And hope. Because my current situation may be reality right now. But it's not forever.

Giving Thanks

It is amazing how much has changed in a year. Last Thanksgiving, I made my first pies. Today, I not only made pies but cooked my first Thanksgiving dinner from scratch. And it all came out at the same time and was actually yummy!

This time last year, I was unhappy and not living the most authentic life. Today, I am smiling and relaxed after spending the day with my parents, Stella and Sophie. I have so much to be thankful for - family, friends, a roof over my head, a good job.

I still have ups and downs, don't get me wrong. In fact, I was on the phone with my girlfriend Luanne during one of my downs last week (which happened to take place in Target). As I was chatting with her, I fell in love with these amazing slippers but decided not to splurge as I am trying to stick to a budget. Imagine my delight and surprise when I opened the mail yesterday to find those awesome pink plush slippers with sequins in a box from Luanne. How blessed am I to have such an amazing friend? My wish for you is that you have that special friend who would surprise you with fabulous footwear - and for whom you would return the favor. Now that is something to say thank you about!

And as I reflect on how much has changed in the past year, I can only imagine how much will change in the next. Who else will be at my Thanksgiving table besides Mom and Dad? One thing I know for sure, I will be thankful to have them there.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!