Grammie bought them for me. I wore them around the house with white socks to break them in for the big day.
But upon arrival at the reception, I took them off to put on my second wedding shoes of the day (blue Stuart Weitzman flip flops with shoe charms) to find that my dream shoes had ruined my pedicure. More specifically, they melted the nail polish right off. In fact, my perfect pair of shoes didn't actually fit me. Yet I wore them anyway.
Today would have been my seventh wedding anniversary. But it isn't. Because, quite frankly, the shoes weren't the only thing that didn't fit. Divorce is a horrible thing. As my friends who have gone through it told me, "You can never quite prepare for the way it will make you feel. When you least expect it, it will creep up and your emotions will be a surprise." Don't get me wrong, I know divorce was my only option. One person cannot a marriage make. And hindsight being 20-20, I knew walking down the aisle that this might not go as planned. But I did it anyway. Because sometimes, we simply want what we want regardless of red flags or unintended consequences.
But the pain of a failed marriage is still real and it hurts. Not everyday. In fact, it has gotten easier day by day. But I can't help remembering what it felt like to wear that dress and put on those shoes my loving Grammie bought for me. Because I thought if I can just ignore the pain, and put a smile on my face, everything would be OK. That turned out not to be the case. You can't ignore the pain forever.
So now, I only buy shoes that fit. And I got rid of all of the ones that didn't during my intervention and subsequent yard sale. Because ignoring something doesn't mean it isn't happening. And you can never find your perfect pair if you are stuck in the wrong shoes. And being sad today doesn't mean I'm not still happy - it just means I'm reflecting on the past and that helps me appreciate the present so much more. Because I've been blessed with a second chance. Not everyone can say that. And I am grateful.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Last week, I was walking down the street in Chicago when a friend and colleague commented, "You haven't blogged much this year, Messy, have you?" I thought about it and replied, "well, I seem to blog the most when there is stuff going on in my life - reflection, drama, etc. - so I guess I haven't blogged much because I'm..." And he replied "happy?"
As I looked down at my flip flops, I couldn't help but think of a friend's wedding we attended a few weeks ago in San Diego. The yacht wouldn't allow shoes so we were all given a pair of Old Navy white flip flops when we boarded. Now this of course caused a fashion challenge for me because I normally dress from the feet up, but as I stood on that yacht with the love of my life, I didn't even notice I was wearing flip flops that looked like everyone else's (even his size 14s!). I just felt... well, happy.
So I don't blog as much as I used to and I don't buy shoes like I used to and I'm happy. Coincidence, perhaps? So it is time for this reflective blogged to focus not on the past and the drama that has filled my life but on what makes me happy. And you know I will be sharing it with you!
Sunday, July 8, 2012
you had me at hello", your heart melted. Not to mention when Jerry said, "you complete me." Sigh, that is why we go to the movies!
And I'm not ashamed to admit that I had a moment like this two weeks ago. I work from home or am on the road so don't get to the office very much. But when I do, I figure why not wear a pair of killer heels. What's the point of all that beauty being confined to my closet, right? So as I walked into the kitchen one morning wearing these sexy ankle wrapped, cork heeled, multi-colored stilettos I just about fell over when my boyfriend said, "You look beautiful. Are those your Carlos Santanas?"
I'm sorry... what?!? This is a race car driving, incredible at golfing, hard working, manly man. He doesn't read In Style or fantasy shop on jimmychoo.com. How in the world did he know that? So I asked...
"You told me about them when you bought them. Don't you remember I was on the phone? Honey, I don't forget anything you tell me."
Seriously? Now I knew he was amazing before this moment but it just reinforced my admiration. And as I drove to work, with a smile on my face, I couldn't help but remember Dorothy and Jerry. Romantic moments don't only happen in the movies!