Thursday, December 17, 2015
A week later we heard the one word that almost caused Todd to pass out... "twins!"
The celebration lasted until the following week when the world seemed to stop turning. As the doctor explained to us that the heartbeats were not strong, we began an interminable cycle of highs and lows. We tried to hope and have faith that everything would work out but ultimately, we lost those babies and grieved their loss together. We were in a black hole that I didn't think I would survive. And yet we did survive that invisible loss.
The day after the first anniversary of our loss, our rainbow baby was conceived (thanks to modern medicine we know exact dates of everything related to our pregnancies). And here I sit, on another birthday, not with the idea of being a mom any longer but with the reality. I literally waited my whole life for this gift. During our IVF journey, Todd kept saying to have faith. And now I do. Eliza Faith.
There will always be sadness surrounding our loss. But the best gift I have ever gotten sleeps peacefully in her swing while I write this. How am I spending my birthday? Simply being in love. And it is the best birthday celebration ever.