Brothers and Sisters

As I sat in mass with my grandparents last Sunday morning, I was touched by the brother and sister in front of me.  She was 13 and he 10 and they were arm in arm, smiling and laughing, for most of the service.  And suddenly I welled up remembering what it was like when I had a brother.  A brother who...

• Served as my confirmation sponsor
• Yelled at his buddy when he made a comment that I was "filling out" my eighth grade summer
• Told me he was proud of me at both my high school and college graduations
• Invited me to live with him summers during high school and the summer after I graduated college so we could hang and work together (I was cheap labor)
• Asked me to help his new family settle in when they moved to St. Louis
• Handed his son to me in the NICU when he was newly born
• Gave me a job when I decided to move back home in 2001

When I graduated high school, my brother actually gave me one of those charms that say Best Friend and break in half.  We were close...

And now we aren't, as I've shared in an earlier blog.  He is reconnecting with my parents but has not made a move to speak to me.  I haven't seen him in 8 years.  His choice, not mine.

Have I made peace with it?  I'm not sure given the fact that watching a young brother and sister in church made me cry.  And when I hear my mother speak of him I feel a mixture of sadness and anger.  Knowing that someone you loved as much as yourself has suddenly walked away, with no reason and no goodbye, creates a constant emptiness in your heart.  It's like grieving accept they aren't dead.  Although, in a way, I guess they are to you.


But that is why the people I choose to have in my life - my boyfriend, my friends - mean even more to me.  Knowing they are there for me no matter what, even when I screw up or when they screw up, gets me through every day.  So everyday I thank God for the love of my life and my friends.  Thank you, All.  You know who you are.

Balancing Act

I know it has been way too long since I've written and I have no excuse other than I've been lacking inspiration.  Maybe that's because I haven't been shoe shopping...


No, the reality is that I've been keeping my personal life, well, personal.  Not writing about what has been going on with me.  And historically my blog has really been about what is going on - the good, the bad and the ugly.  So I think I have struggled trying to decide what to write.


Because there truly is a balance between bareing your soul and being discreet.  I like to share my story because I think it might help others (at least that's what some have told me) but I also want to honor those who don't want to be "characters" in my life story.


It's like walking in really high heels.  They sometimes look fabulous in the picture but when you put your feet into them, no matter how seasoned of a veteran you are, you may still wobble.  You have to stand tall and convicted in order to pull them off.  Actually, that's pretty true about a lot of life, isn't it?

Flatter Me

When people think shoes and me, I think they automatically think high heels. You know, the kind that make people say, how do you walk in those? And I love heels. I love to be tall. I love the confidence that comes from wearing them - you can't slouch, you must walk with a firm step. They are sexy and strong - just like I aspire to me. (Not to mention they come in handy when kissing a certain 6'2" handsome gentleman...)

But lately, I've been drawn to flats. Why can't I be sexy and strong in those too? Let's face it, I spend a lot of time in airports and walking around conferences. And I'm ready to admit it - 4" heels aren't always comfortable. So this spring, you will seen a flatter me (get it? I love a good pun!) I'm going to come down out of the clouds and embrace some cute and sassy comfort. Like these turquoise beauties with the lime green lining. Don't they just make you want to kick up your step? And I'll be able to kick it a lot longer than in my favorite stilettos.

I do wonder if people will still comment on my ballet slipper look as much as the highest of platforms. I guess this will be a sociological experiment of sorts. (OK, that may be a bit of a stretch.) But, more importantly, I wonder how that 6'2" handsome gentleman will feel about me standing on my tip-toes for a smooch... One thing is for certain - I can't wait to find out!

A Seinfeld Moment

So we had a MEGA garage sale last week. So big that one woman actually bought 80 articles of clothing. Yep, 8-0. Not only did I clean out my closets, but there was a lot my mom contributed, as well as some "stuff" left behind when my life changed in 2009. You name it, we had it to sell. Including, as I shared in my last post, shoes...

So we have discussed, ad nauseam, how difficult it can be for me to part with my footwear. But I continue to do it because there is no point in keeping what I can't wear. Actually, while my garage sale was going on I also had an eBay sale happening for some shoes that were higher end. (Can you say "make money money?!")

I can tell you stories of my life based on what shoes I was wearing (obviously) so imagine my horror when a group of non-English speaking women came by, starting trying on my shoes, speaking their native tongue and... LAUGHING! Were they laughing at me? Were they calling me names based on all my stilettos? What were they saying? I felt like Elaine at the manicurist!

I was tempted to grab my shoes away from them and reassure them (my shoes) they are all special in their unique ways. I know, I just about lost it. But I didn't! I regained my composure and decided maybe stilettos aren't for everyone who frequents garage sales. I later sold a few pairs anyway. Besides, I don't buy my shoes for other people, I buy them because they make me happy. So no, I won't be asking Frank Costanza, to come to my next sale. Besides, could they have been saying anything worse than what I have heard a thousand times - How in the world do you walk in those?!?!

Self-Imposed Intervention

Remember the intervention my friend Zeus had with me last year? Well, I have just embarked on a self-imposed intervention. Yep, I raided my closet once again and am getting rid of another 20 pairs of shoes. Can you believe it??? Despite the absolute visceral reaction I had while clearing them out, I am persisting. I have a pile for eBay and the rest will be available at my mega-garage sale next weekend.

Let's face it. It isn't realistic to own shoes I can only wear for an hour. Nor is it realistic to hold on to shoes that give me blisters. After last year's intervention, I said if I didn't wear them the following year I would commit to getting rid of them and I am keeping that promise.

So if you wear a size 8, 8 1/2 or 9, you may want to pop by the last weekend in March. EVERYTHING MUST GO!!! Or for higher end finds, check out my eBay store. Yep, I am using my own blog for shameless self-promotion. Wouldn't you?

And to answer your question, this DOES mean I have a shopping list for future purchases :) Happy Spring Cleaning to you all!

Flying Solo

Recently, I had a first. I flew to Portland, OR (new state for me) and back in less than 48 hours to facilitate a board retreat. And no, that's not the first I mean. I went on this excursion with only the shoes on my feet. Yep, no shoes in my suitcase. That's Thursday, Friday AND Saturday spent in the same footwear.

Why, you are probably asking yourself, would I do this? Well, quite frankly, I discovered the perfect shoe for facilitating AND airline travel. Yep, these black Pumas are comfortable and look great whether wearing yoga pants on a plane or business casual at a meeting. And after 3 days, I still love them and want to put them on my feet. I can't believe it! I may finally have a "go to" shoe. Should I buy them in every color and two of each just in case they wear thin?

My Commandments

The next step in my Happiness Project is to write my commandments. After much deliberation (and because I attended 16 years of Catholic school), I came up with ten:

1. Be Melissa.

2. I have to take care of me before I can take care of anyone else.

3. Everything happens for a reason.

4. Patience is a discipline.

5. It is OK to ask for help.

6. Let it go.

7. Change your hair, change your life.

8. Focus on now.

9. What if does not exist.

10. I deserve to be happy.

I'm not carving them in stone because they may evolve but I think this sums it up. I'm also not sure I truly believe them all but that takes faith, doesn't it? I'm a work in progress!