Messy in Fabulous Shoes

Messy in Fabulous Shoes

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Twinkle Toes (Times Three)

I am a Godmother.  I know, it's incredible to think of me that way but I am.  My best friend Melissa asked me to be her youngest daughter's Godmother just after Kate was born and I was holding her.  I immediately started to cry and then responded, "Wait!  This isn't an April's Fools joke is it?"  Because it was indeed April 1st.

Kate is now 4 and I believe Beyonce wrote "Runs The World" because of Kate.  Even when she is, um, not on her best behavior, you smile.  She is cute as can be, smart, funny - you know, the whole package.  She is also fearless.  God help us when she is a teenager!  But thankfully she has her amazing big sister Carly to watch over her...

I have passed down one thing that is clear and probably won't surprise you... Kate loves shoes!  (Going shopping on girls' day outs is a hoot - especially when the little ones start trying on flip flops!)  For her first birthday, I gave her Uggs (and yes they were sturdy so she could walk in them - her mother approved!).  Her second birthday brought light up Stride Rite sneakers (among other things including a snow suit that she loved).  But her third birthday, I outdid myself.  Her mother and I both wished these came in our size!  Kate got her first pair of Stuart Weitzman ballet flats.  They are green and silver sequined with a satin embellishment at the toe.  And they were about 3 sizes too big... (Her fourth birthday I bought her doll shoes at Kate's request - so yes, the theme is still intact.)

Last Sunday, I was delighted to see Kate show up to dinner wearing aforementioned Stuart Weitzman's.  Apparently, since they now fit, she doesn't want to take them off.  She wears them to Church, to cheerleading, to dinner, etc.  And I was delighted!  See, not only was Kate wearing her sparkly shoes, but Carly was sporting awesome silver ballet flats and I had on my sparkly sneakers.  We were twinkle toes times three!  (Mel, you've got to invest in a pair so we can all be in sync!)

The only thing better than getting new shoes for me is getting them for Kate and Carly.  They are so excited with whatever gifts I give. At one point, Melissa asked me to stop giving for a while because the girls got disappointed when I showed up empty handed.  I realize that was my fault - how could I not bring anything?! :)

When Mother's Day rolls around each year and I am feeling blue, there is always a card from Kate to brighten my day (and something from Stella and Sophie - how do they do it?!).  And most important is the fact that I have a forever friend who trusted me enough to have me stand up next to her and her husband in front of God, family and friends to show that I would always be there for Kate.  And their vow to always be there for me.  I am blessed.  Love you, Bestie!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011


I hate the unknown.  To me, limbo is  like a constant state of unknown.  When will it end?  What can I do to fix this situation?  Can I have faith in the realm of not knowing?

For the past 14 months I have been in limbo.  It is hard enough when you feel like you are the only one fighting for your marriage.  At least you know where you stand.  But to be the only one actively participating in a divorce - when you know your spouse doesn't want to be married to you but doesn't want to grant the divorce either - that is a different type of existence.  I'm not married yet I'm not divorced.  Limbo.

And limbo sucks.  Sorry, I can't mince words today.  Am I Sharp or am I Radford?  I know what I want to be but the state of Virginia hasn't yet agreed.  All he had to do was sign the damn papers.  He doesn't want me but he doesn't want to give me my freedom.  Who is this person I married?

And yet I can't help but correlate my situation to shoes.  Take these sling back pumps for example.  Are they gold or are they silver?  Depends on how the light hits.  Kind of like limbo for shoes...  not knowing what color they truly are.

And so I wait.  Each day I check my email hoping to hear the news.  Waiting for good news is one thing. Waiting for bittersweet news is a totally different experience.  I never thought I'd be divorced... the same sentiment shared by many divorced people I am sure.  Yet I also never thought I'd find out I was married to a complete stranger.  But I was.  And soon  my limbo will hopefully end.  I will once again be Melissa Radford, divorcee.  Can one find closure without answering the question why?  I'm not sure.  But at least I will be me again.  Whichever me I decide to be.  And I will wear these shoes with silver and with gold.  After all, the only one who controls who I am and want to be is me, right?