Brothers and Sisters

As I sat in mass with my grandparents last Sunday morning, I was touched by the brother and sister in front of me.  She was 13 and he 10 and they were arm in arm, smiling and laughing, for most of the service.  And suddenly I welled up remembering what it was like when I had a brother.  A brother who...

• Served as my confirmation sponsor
• Yelled at his buddy when he made a comment that I was "filling out" my eighth grade summer
• Told me he was proud of me at both my high school and college graduations
• Invited me to live with him summers during high school and the summer after I graduated college so we could hang and work together (I was cheap labor)
• Asked me to help his new family settle in when they moved to St. Louis
• Handed his son to me in the NICU when he was newly born
• Gave me a job when I decided to move back home in 2001

When I graduated high school, my brother actually gave me one of those charms that say Best Friend and break in half.  We were close...

And now we aren't, as I've shared in an earlier blog.  He is reconnecting with my parents but has not made a move to speak to me.  I haven't seen him in 8 years.  His choice, not mine.

Have I made peace with it?  I'm not sure given the fact that watching a young brother and sister in church made me cry.  And when I hear my mother speak of him I feel a mixture of sadness and anger.  Knowing that someone you loved as much as yourself has suddenly walked away, with no reason and no goodbye, creates a constant emptiness in your heart.  It's like grieving accept they aren't dead.  Although, in a way, I guess they are to you.


But that is why the people I choose to have in my life - my boyfriend, my friends - mean even more to me.  Knowing they are there for me no matter what, even when I screw up or when they screw up, gets me through every day.  So everyday I thank God for the love of my life and my friends.  Thank you, All.  You know who you are.