Absence Makes the Heart...

T and I both travel for work, so most weeks we are away from each other for 2-4 nights at a time. Sometimes we get a gift and have to be at the same event so we travel together. That part rocks.

The biggest gift of all has been the last 3 and a 1/2 weeks. It's the longest stretch we've ever known of sleeping in the same place at the same time.  Being together every single day.  So this morning, as we said goodbye I got weepy.  We get so used to the routine of being apart that it is just second nature. But after spending all this time together, it became more evident than ever... I miss him when we are in two different places!

But, as he says, we have to work. So he drives 3 hours to his destination and I head to the airport. Or vice versa. Or one of us stays behind. What is most important, however, is that we always come home as quickly as we can.

So I guess the old adage is true - absence does make the heart grow fonder. But being together a lot does the same thing for me!

It's About the Journey, Not the Destination

How many times in your life have you heard this quote? "Life is about the journey, not the destination." I think it is meant to make us feel better about the ups and downs we go through. The experience will make us stronger. We aren't given more than we can handle. Etc.

When you are on the motherhood journey, I have to be honest, most of the above sounds like blah blah blah. It is most certainly about the destination - to be a mother. And the journey, if you are one of us for whom it doesn't come easy, sucks. Yep, it sucks. Yearning to be a mom and having obstacles thrown in your way is not pleasant.  Has it made me stronger?  Only time will tell.

But going through the shattered hopes and dreams, the devastation of loss, the injections and hormones, the importance of numbers, the waiting, the phone calls... all to culminate with a big fat negative so you can start over again? Nothing about that journey makes sense. You question everything about who you are and who you are meant to be. You watch people around you getting pregnant (naturally) and you want to scream and hide from the world.

But you keep going. Because it is about the destination. You say, "let's do one more round." And this time you try acupuncture, limit core work outs, only eat warm food, wear socks to bed - anything you've heard could make a difference. You try not to obsess or become a crazy person but it inevitably happens.

However, you do give thanks to be going through this with your rock, your partner who never judges, who loves you no matter how down or crazy you get. Because the only part of the journey that really matters is that it brings you closer.

As I watch the days on the calendar go by, it amazes me that we are 12 weeks from that most elusive destination. That the journey, however horrible it was, has indeed paid off. We are going to have a baby and have made it to this point stronger together.

So for all who struggle with getting to a major destination, I offer no platitudes. All I can say is hang in there. And I wish for you someone who can carry the load with you.

Just another reason I thank God for my husband each and everyday.

Holy Crap... I'm a Stepmom.

T has 2 children from his first marriage - ages 19 and 13. Blessedly, we get along really well. They were both incredibly positive about our wedding and even served as Maid of Honor and Best Man. And after the initial shock wore off, became really excited about Baby.

I've never really categorized our relationship. They are T's children and a huge part of my life. But I've never used a label. Then yesterday someone asked how my stepchildren are doing. What? Who? Huh?

Because what does that mean to be a stepmom? Are we friends? Am I another parental figure? Am I an influential adult?

I guess the answer is probably all of the above but labels can be limiting so I don't really want to go there. After all, these kids didn't ask for a stepmom but they have accepted me into their lives. So I am just fine being Dad's wife. It doesn't change how I feel about them or how I act but gives us the flexibility to define who we want to be to one another. And that's enough for now. I think.

Dream a Little Dream

My brother and I were blessed to have all 4 grandparents until we were 20 and 24 respectively. That year, 1994, our Dad's parents passed 10 months apart. Granddad had been sick. Before Grandma died, she said goodbye to everyone in her way. When we got the call, just before Thanksgiving, the nuns said "the angels knocked on the wrong door last night". But they hadn't. Grandma vowed she wouldn't go through the holidays without Granddad. They had been married 57 1/2 years when he died after all. So we believe she died of a broken heart and because she wanted to be with him.

That love is hard to come by and one of the reasons we were honored to get married on Grandma and Granddad's wedding date.  The grandparent/grandchild relationship is one of the most special that exists and I am so excited to see how it evolves for our baby.

Every once in a while I get a gift - my grandparents visit me in my dreams.  It happens more with my Grammie than anyone and that could be because I asked her to on her death bed (a girl can believe). But rarely does it happen with my Dad's parents. Last night, however, they were in my dream.

I can't tell you anything about the dream except I awoke happy.  And what could be better than that?  So this is dedicated to all the wonderful grandparents out there - thanks for making us feel so special. And for spoiling us!

Hoggie the Horrible

Sophie (aka Hoggie the Horrible or Tophie the Terrible when encountering other dogs) is a love bug. People always think she is a puppy when they meet her yet she will be 10 in October. She has never met a (human) stranger and will attack you with kisses if you let her. She loves pets and, quite frankly, any attention you give her. She is great with little kids and babies (thankfully), too.

And when she was younger, I could take her to the dog park and she would run and play and chase the ball. (She never learned to bring the ball back but that is fodder for another blog.) And then one day everything changed. Suddenly, she became Kujo when interacting with other dogs. I once babysat a pug puppy for the weekend and had to keep Sophie separated the entire time. After 72 hours, she decided the pup was no threat and actually fell asleep next to him on the couch. And then his parents came and picked him up so that was that.

Just this morning, T let the girls out to potty and Sophie saw a boxer in front of our truck. She started for the dog but thankfully stopped dead in her tracks when T shouted her name. (At least she listens...) And we were just out for our morning walk when she spotted a Boston Terrier puppy and just gave it the death stare from the other side of the street. (I know you are looking at her face thinking, "death stare?", but I swear she has one).

Sophie has a great life.  She loves all people, her toys and her sister. We think the dog aggression is all about protecting Stella who, by the way, yearns to play with all the dogs Sophie growls at and wants to attack.  So in one way it is sweet. In another, completely annoying and an inconvenience.

Especially when her cousin the pug comes to visit. Max and Sophie must be separated at all times for fear of what either will do to the other. (Interestingly enough, he isn't thrilled with other dogs but will play with Stella.  She just has that special something boys can't resist I guess.) So Max stays in the basement most of the time. If he comes upstairs, Sophie is in the crate. Barking incessantly. You get the picture.

Max is soon going to be with us for an extended period of time. Should we try and get them to be friends? Will it end in tears? (mine) Will it involve lots of yelling? (T) Should we be satisfied that Sophie lives a life with one canine friend only? The coming weeks will answer all of these questions. Stay tuned and send us your friendly doggie juju!

Pretty in Pink

It happened. It really happened. I actually got to marry the man of my dreams. It still doesn't seem real. I mean, we lived together before we were married so that didn't change. But when I look down at my left hand and see two beautiful rings instead of one my heart beats a little faster and I know I have a big grin on my face.

Dreams do come true. I am married to the love of my life and we have a baby on the way. I don't know why I deserve such happiness but I am forever thankful. It hasn't been a bump free journey and there are still challenges around us but we are in it together. Forever. And that is what matters most.

And why this post title? Because I married T in perfectly pink Badgley Mischka pumps with embellishments that matched my gown. I was truly a blushing bride!

Giving Thanks

An attitude of gratitude can change your mindset. Well, so they say. To that end, we started keeping a gratitude journal earlier this year. I have to admit we don't write it in everyday but try to as much as we can.  Of course, the most important entry was Todd's in September :)

But I can't let this important holiday go by without giving thanks.  So here goes:

• Todd and I are getting married! We honor our love everyday.
• Stella is playing like a puppy again! We know there is no cure but everyday she is here is a gift.
• Todd and I hosted a blended Thanksgiving for our families. You hear nightmares from people about moms meeting but this meet-up went great!
• I have jobs I love that allow me to work with driven and supportive people - at LeadingAge and Keaton Row. Everyday I get to follow my passion!
• My friends are amazing people who lift one another up and support through the good and the bad.  Oh, and they are the most fun!
• My brother and family bring the crazy train to our house from time to time. It's awesome to have this house filled to the roof with family!
• My parents are appreciative and supportive and we get to see them all the time.
• Todd's kids and I are continuing to develop relationships with one another.
• My Goddaughters still want to hang out with me as they grow older - may it last through the teenage years!
• Sophie is still our hoggie.
• We have safety and security.

Everyday isn't easy and we have our struggles just like everyone else but we have each other.  And I am thankful for that!