Dream a Little Dream

My brother and I were blessed to have all 4 grandparents until we were 20 and 24 respectively. That year, 1994, our Dad's parents passed 10 months apart. Granddad had been sick. Before Grandma died, she said goodbye to everyone in her way. When we got the call, just before Thanksgiving, the nuns said "the angels knocked on the wrong door last night". But they hadn't. Grandma vowed she wouldn't go through the holidays without Granddad. They had been married 57 1/2 years when he died after all. So we believe she died of a broken heart and because she wanted to be with him.

That love is hard to come by and one of the reasons we were honored to get married on Grandma and Granddad's wedding date.  The grandparent/grandchild relationship is one of the most special that exists and I am so excited to see how it evolves for our baby.

Every once in a while I get a gift - my grandparents visit me in my dreams.  It happens more with my Grammie than anyone and that could be because I asked her to on her death bed (a girl can believe). But rarely does it happen with my Dad's parents. Last night, however, they were in my dream.

I can't tell you anything about the dream except I awoke happy.  And what could be better than that?  So this is dedicated to all the wonderful grandparents out there - thanks for making us feel so special. And for spoiling us!

A Tribute to Grandaddy

Good Morning.  I am Bud’s Granddaughter Melissa.  Well, to him, I am Messy.   On behalf of our family, I want to thank you for all the love, support and prayers you have given us during this difficult time.  Your presence here today is a testament to who Grandaddy was.

I promise I won’t take too long because we all know that Grandaddy would want to move  this along to get to the main event – the Famous Dave’s BBQ waiting for us downstairs. 

But I have to be honest that I struggled to write this tribute.  You all knew him so you know how incredible he was.  How can I put into words all that he means to me, to all of you?  This in no way encompasses everything about him but it is my small attempt to honor him.  I hope he will be proud.

A couple of months ago, I was at a meeting and was asked who I admire most in the world.  What a no-brainer because I admire Grandaddy.  When asked why, 4 words came to mind:  Service, Generosity, Humor and Love.

When he was 17, Grandaddy joined the United States Navy serving his country as a Radioman 3^rd class during World War II.  Later, he joined the Washington DC Metropolitan police department.  After 25 years he retired as a sergeant from serving the city in which he was born.

This church was one of the biggest parts of Grandaddy’s life.  He loved the community within it.  He did everything around here – set up for mass, painted the rectory, counted the offerings, read at mass, was a Eucharistic minister.  He was dedicated to this church and to his faith.  As a matter of fact, I called him St. Francis sometimes.  When the new pope was named, Grandaddy told me the pope called him to ask if he could use his name.  Of course, Grandaddy said yes.  So we now have Pope Francis.  One of the things I will miss most is sitting in the 4^th pew with Joan and Grandaddy and hearing him sing during mass.  Over the past year, each time I heard his voice, I would thank God and pray I never forget the sound.  He was so strong in his faith and truly believed he was going to a better place. 

When I was in kindergarten, Santa came to visit us.  I sat on his knee and told him what I wanted for Christmas.  Years later, I learned that Santa was actually Grandaddy.  Now the fact that he always walked into my parents house saying ho, ho, ho and that my brother Jay was his elf should have been my first two clues but how could I know the difference?  As generous as Grandaddy was, of course I would mistake him for Santa.  All of us would.

He not only gave to this church but he gave to the many charities in which he believed.  But it was his family who received the bulk of his generosity.  Need a car? Grandaddy was getting a new one anyway so here you go.  Need a room painted or a leaky pipe looked at?  Grandaddy would be right there.  Your car caught fire at the inspection station?  No worries, Grandaddy would give you a ride to the mechanic.  And yes, that happened to me and no, it wasn’t a car Grandaddy had given me.

And he was hilarious.  Hilarious but mischievous.  When we were kids, I remember him hiding behind clothes racks at Hecht’s and jumping out to spray my brother with ladies perfume.  Wow, did they smell!  And he would tell stories about when he was in the Navy but sometimes you wouldn’t get the ending because he would get that twinkle in his eye and say, “no, better keep that one to myself”.  And he loved to talk about his trips to Myrtle Beach – particularly the one when bike week happened.  He said there were lots of fights and bikes.  Actually, the last thing he said to my boyfriend Todd on Easter was, when you get back from vacation; drive that motorcycle over so you can take me for a ride.  But make sure you are careful when my granddaughter is on the back!

Grandaddy loved life.  He loved going to the horse races and card games with his buddies Charlie, John and others.  He loved animals – Spot, the beagle he had when I was a kid, Pretty Boy, Uncle Johnny’s bird, my pups Stella and Sophie and Honey, the dog Joan brought into his life.  He loved Honey so much he would floss her teeth.  And he loved to eat his evening ice cream with her.  Joan spoiled them both. 

Grandaddy loved the water – going crabbing, body surfing, and riding a big tube behind a motor boat.  As one of Joan’s son-in-laws shared with me – they had an outing on the water one day and had to ask Grandaddy to get out of the raft so the kids could have a chance to ride. 

And Grandaddy loved food.  Not only to eat it but to prepare it.  He made the best homemade crab cakes, French fries, and chicken soup.  I remember going to the Chesapeake Bay Seafood house as a kid and watching him eat his weight in all you can eat crab legs.  And later, we would go to the Drift Inn where he and my mom could pick crabs for hours. And never get between him and his hot dogs with mustard and onions on 4^th of July!  Joan can tell you cooking for him was one of her great joys because he just loved to eat.  Of course, she kept him healthy so when we would go to IHOP after church he would ask for 2 orders of crispy bacon since he didn’t have that at home.  And she never said a word. I will miss making his favorite pie – mince meat – this Christmas.

But what granddaddy loved more than anything was… us.  He was devoted to Anne, Grammie, and cared for her until her last days with us.  He never complained – not one time.  She was his first angel and they taught us what the word commitment means – in sickness and in health; for better or for worse.

He loved taking care of his kids.  My mom, Grace, my late uncle Johnny, Aunt Mary and my dad.  There was nothing they needed that he wouldn’t do.  When dad went to Vietnam,  mom had to move back home.  She told  granddaddy she was in labor one day and, after showering and shaving, he took her to the hospital and waited for Jay to be born.  Now I know mom could have done without waiting for him to primp but… he did get her there in time.

And he was a great grandfather.  He adored Grayson, Tyler, Sam and Ben.  He was so proud of each of you.  And I know you loved him just as much.  And that pride extended to Joan’s grandkids as well.

When Grammie passed away 9 years ago, despite the fact that Uncle Johnny lived with him, we wondered how Grandaddy would move on.  And as Joan says that is when her Frank and Bud’s Ann got together in Heaven and told the Lord it was time to bring these two crazy kids together.  And so one day, on the steps of this church, Grandaddy asked Joan on a date.  Less than 6 months later they were married.  Joan, if it weren’t for you and your dedication to Grandaddy, I know we would have lost him years ago. It is because of you that we were able to enjoy these last years with him.   He loved the simply silly fun you had together each day. Thank you for the gift you have been to us. And thank you for again teaching us what the words in sickness and in health truly mean.

And so Grandaddy was given his second angel, Joan.  And with her came a big family.  He loved each of you as if you were his own.  He was so proud of all that you are.  Thank you for loving him back.
And then there were his grandkids, me and Jay.  I cannot describe the feeling that comes over me when I think of Grandaddy.  Quite frankly, he hung the moon.  I’m not sure how Christmas will come this year – I’ve never known one without him  - He is my Santa Claus.  He spoiled me rotten and made me laugh.  He is one of the greatest men I have ever known. 

I’m lucky, you know?  The last thing my grandfather said to me, was “I love you, Baby”.  I will always have that.  And he loved each of you.  His country, his community, his family and God.  That is who my grandfather was.  A man of service, generosity, love and humor.  And the most beautiful baby blue eyes you have ever seen, which he thankfully passed on to me.

My grandfather died a happy man, a blessed man.  And I hate to lose him.  But I know he is here, with each of us.  How do I know that?  Because he taught me faith.

Letter to my Grandparents

Dear Grandaddy and Joan,

I couldn’t let this Christmas pass without telling you how blessed I feel to have you in my life. What an amazing gift to have been loved by not one, but five, grandparents in my lifetime.

As you know, the past year has been one of change and growth for me. I couldn’t have gotten through it without the support and generosity of my family. And you are both at the forefront of that. Thank you so much for giving me the car. You not only made it easier for me to sleep at night, but Stella & Sophie can actually get in and out without a boost!

It is an awesome feeling to be a granddaughter. To know that two people love you no matter what. That they are interested in who you are and what you do. I was so proud to show you both off at my conference this year… and my friends are still talking about you and wishing you well!

So this year I wanted to give you a little something extra. To remind you that I thank God everyday for making us a family.

I hope you enjoy much health and happiness in 2012. And here is to celebrating many more special times together.

All my love,

Messy

A Tribute to Grammie

My grandmother passed away 7 years ago this July and I was also honored to offer a tribute at her funeral:

To some of us in the room she was Anne. To some Mama, Mom, Sis, OB. To the grandchildren and great grandchildren, she is Grammie.

When I was thinking about how to describe Grammie, the phrase “pure of heart” immediately popped into my mind. Because that is who she was. A person with a heart so pure and full of love – willing to share that love with her family every day. In both large and small manifestations. And never asking for anything in return – except to know how you are and what you have been up to. Anytime you would call and say, “how are you doing, Gram?” she would reply, “same old, same old. Tired, achy, sinuses, etc. Now, what is going on with you?” And she would listen to you as long as you need to talk. She was the most interested audience any of us have ever had. Fascinated in every aspect of our lives – thrilled when we were happy; devastated when we were sad. Always helping simply by believing in you.

It is easy to believe in yourself with Grammie on your side. What I don’t think she ever realized, though, was how wise and impactful she was to so many people. She didn’t think she was worldly or very intelligent, but she had knowledge of the heart and years of experience that helped each of us in a different way. And we know she will continue believing in us.

Grammie did not have an easy childhood. She grew up very quickly to assume the role of caretaker. When she married Grandaddy and had children, grandchildren and then great-grandchildren, she poured all the love she had always wanted and all the love she had into her family. She taught us valuable lessons: respect, how to be fair to one another, how to listen, how to forgive, to believe in the power of love and to believe in yourself.

Love. I don’t ever remember having a conversation with Gram that didn’t end in I love you. Until the very end, when she couldn’t move around as freely, the last thing we would see when driving away from the house would be Grammie standing in the window of the front door, waving. A symbolic I love you.

Forgiveness. Grammie embodied this trait. Any and all transgressions were forgivable – sometimes you didn’t even have to ask for that forgiveness. Sometimes all you had to do was say you were sorry. And all was right with the world when Grammie would smile at you and you knew everything was going to be OK.

What did Grammie like to do? Besides spend time with her family, she learned a hobby in later years that kept her very busy. Scrapbooking. This was almost more than a hobby… it was an obsession. As a matter of fact, when she was in the hospital this last time, she said she couldn’t go yet because she was on a mission. She was determined to finish scrapbooks for my Mom, Aunt Mary, Uncle Johnny and Aunt Peggie and she said then she could rest. And finish them she did. And these aren’t just any scrapbooks. They are masterpieces of creativity and Grammie poured the love she felt into each and every page. Unselfishly, she never made a scrapbook for herself.

Her next favorite hobby was shopping. I will never forget one particular marathon shopping trip. We were in Marshall’s (of course) and I noticed Gram’s oxygen was running low. She was standing in the shoe section of the store when I ran out, grabbed the other tank from the car, and came back in to change it. I said, “Gram, why didn’t you tell me you were running low?” She said, “I didn’t want to bother you, Hon, we are in the shoe section after all!” Selfless shopper – that was Grammie.

Birthdays. Sonny & Cher, Captain & Tennille, Miss Piggy & Kermit… they’ve got nothing on Bud and Anne. That’s right; the greatest duet that ever lived is Bud and Anne. Every birthday you could count on one thing – hearing the 2 of them serenade you with Happy Birthday. The best would be if they messed up and had to start over… their fits of laughter during the song were as great as the song itself.

The only thing better than hearing them sing you happy birthday was Grammie’s birthday. Giving a gift to Grammie is one of the best experiences anyone can have. She would fuss over you and the gift like you’ve never seen saying, “Oh Hon, you shouldn’t have!”… But definitely glad you did – every time! At her 75^th birthday, the entire family went in on some wrought iron bookshelves for her to put her family pictures, books, etc. on. When she opened up those boxes, it was as if she had been given solid gold! I would show you the picture of Grammie with a big yellow bow on her head but she would not be happy with me. The pictures of Grandaddy in the same bow are equally priceless!

Grammie’s devotion to her family was rivaled only by Grandaddy’s devotion to her. Their love of 56 years is an inspiration. Grandaddy loved waiting on Grammie and she loved bossing him around. She would invite you to dinner, ask what you wanted, and then inform Grandaddy what he was making. He would pretend to be peeved about it but you know he loved every minute.

Humor. Laughing was an integral part of Grammie’s life. And she laughed up until her very last days. The true beauty of Grammie’s humor was in its innocence. Sometimes she had no idea what she said was funny and was shocked when everyone laughed. One night, as Mom and Uncle Johnny sat in Grammie’s room chatting, she tried to speak. Mom said, “Mom, are you trying to say something?” Thinking she was ready to pass on some wisdom. To which Grammie responded, “Th-th-that’s all folks!” Another night, a week or so ago, Mom and Grandaddy were sitting on the bed next to Grammie talking about what would come next, who she would see, etc. Suddenly, Gram opened her eyes, turned her head and said, “You all are scaring me to death!” Laughter erupted… that was her, laughing and enjoying life until the end.

Generous. Grammie would give you anything she could. Literally, if you complimented something she had she’d sometimes try and give it to you. Even if it wasn’t hers she’d try to give it to you. Like the time she was out to lunch with one of her girlfriends and her girlfriend admired the creamer on the table. Outside in the car, Grammie produced the creamer from her purse – cream and all – for her friend! Thievery was a rare occurrence, but she would do anything for the people she loved. Every single one of us in the family was spoiled by Grammie (and you too Grandaddy), and I’m not ashamed to admit it!

The last gift she gave her family was the ability to say goodbye. During her last weeks, Grammie was surrounded by her family – day and night. And each of us shared some private moments with her – a time when we were able to say what we need to say; to share how we felt about her; to kiss her forehead and squeeze her hand. And she was able to do the same with each of us. This is a special blessing we will thank God for the rest of our lives. Grammie left us without a single doubt as to how much she was loved and how grateful her family was to have been loved by her.

To know Grammie was to feel loved, understood and accepted. Imagine everything you would want in a spouse, mother, sister, grandmother, friend and that is what we had in her. To say she will be missed is a gross understatement. But her legacy to each of us is to love, to be fair, to listen, to laugh and to never miss an opportunity to say “I love you”. Her family and friends loved her and will continue to love her more than words can express.

And if you close your eyes, and sit very still, you can feel her presence here – waving I love you to all of us.

What's In the Bag?

There is a running joke in my family that I cannot see my parents without my father saying, "I have a bag for you from your mother." Today when I went to their house before golfing with Dad was no different. Typically the bag has books, old mail or something Mom is looking to get rid of in it. Today, it held a gift.

I was blessed to have all 4 of my grandparents in my life until 1994. As I pulled the books and People magazine out of the bag this evening, I discovered a journal titled "Grandma Remembers" that my dad's mom filled out for us. As I flipped through it, I cracked up at some of the things Grandma wrote and had to call my dad to clarify one story (apparently hospitals were a luxury in the 20s when your kid set fire in a closet...)

On the page called Funny Events is a picture of my grandparents from 1945 (which puts them in their 30s) and my grandmother wrote, "acting as Bob's caddy when he played golf in Warm Springs, VA in August 1945, while visiting his sister." Now if you'll recall, the first tournament I played in last month, the tournament that catapulted me into wanting to call myself "golfer" was in Hot Springs, VA at the Homestead. To think that my grandparents had one of their funniest memories close to where I had one of mine! Did I tell you about the torrential rain we had during the tournament? Thank God I wasn't wearing white!

It's amazing the little gifts life brings you at the right moments. I certainly owe a larger debt of gratitude than I realized to my friend who invited me to play in that tournament. Or perhaps it is Grandma and Grandad I owe the debt to... I do sense their hand in all of this. Regardless, I will look forward to the bags my parents always have for me. You never know what they might contain!