When you are on the motherhood journey, I have to be honest, most of the above sounds like blah blah blah. It is most certainly about the destination - to be a mother. And the journey, if you are one of us for whom it doesn't come easy, sucks. Yep, it sucks. Yearning to be a mom and having obstacles thrown in your way is not pleasant. Has it made me stronger? Only time will tell.
But going through the shattered hopes and dreams, the devastation of loss, the injections and hormones, the importance of numbers, the waiting, the phone calls... all to culminate with a big fat negative so you can start over again? Nothing about that journey makes sense. You question everything about who you are and who you are meant to be. You watch people around you getting pregnant (naturally) and you want to scream and hide from the world.
But you keep going. Because it is about the destination. You say, "let's do one more round." And this time you try acupuncture, limit core work outs, only eat warm food, wear socks to bed - anything you've heard could make a difference. You try not to obsess or become a crazy person but it inevitably happens.
However, you do give thanks to be going through this with your rock, your partner who never judges, who loves you no matter how down or crazy you get. Because the only part of the journey that really matters is that it brings you closer.
As I watch the days on the calendar go by, it amazes me that we are 12 weeks from that most elusive destination. That the journey, however horrible it was, has indeed paid off. We are going to have a baby and have made it to this point stronger together.
So for all who struggle with getting to a major destination, I offer no platitudes. All I can say is hang in there. And I wish for you someone who can carry the load with you.
Just another reason I thank God for my husband each and everyday.
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