A Perfect Pair

When I got engaged, the first thing I did (not surprising) was pick out shoes for the big day.  I found them in a magazine and got one of only 2 pairs left in the country!  White satin, 3 inch heeled Stuart Weitzman that laced up the back and had swarovski crystal embellishments.  They were even more special because my Grammie bought them for me.  I wore them around the house with white socks to break them in for the big day.

But upon arrival at the reception, I took them off to put on my second wedding shoes of the day (blue Stuart Weitzman flip flops with shoe charms) to find that my dream shoes had ruined my pedicure.  More specifically, they melted the nail polish right off.  In fact, my perfect pair of shoes didn't actually fit me.  Yet I wore them anyway.

Today would have been my seventh wedding anniversary.  But it isn't.  Because, quite frankly, the shoes weren't the only thing that didn't fit.  Divorce is a horrible thing.  As my friends who have gone through it told me, "You can never quite prepare for the way it will make you feel.  When you least expect it, it will creep up and your emotions will be a surprise."  Don't get me wrong, I know divorce was my only option.  One person cannot a marriage make.  And hindsight being 20-20, I knew walking down the aisle that this might not go as planned. But I did it anyway.  Because sometimes, we simply want what we want regardless of red flags or unintended consequences.

But the pain of a failed marriage is still real and it hurts.  Not everyday.  In fact, it has gotten easier day by day.  But I can't help remembering what it felt like to wear that dress and put on those shoes my loving Grammie bought for me.  Because I thought if I can just ignore the pain, and put a smile on my face, everything would be OK.  That turned out not to be the case.  You can't ignore the pain forever.

So now, I only buy shoes that fit.  And I got rid of all of the ones that didn't during my intervention and subsequent yard sale.  Because ignoring something doesn't mean it isn't happening.  And you can never find your perfect pair if you are stuck in the wrong shoes.  And being sad today doesn't mean I'm not still happy - it just means I'm reflecting on the past and that helps me appreciate the present so much more.  Because I've been blessed with a second chance. Not everyone can say that.  And I am grateful.