YOU'VE NEVER BOWLED?!?!

It's true. Until a couple of months ago I had never bowled. Despite my mother's conviction that I MUST have bowled as a child - and my joy in telling her I was deprived - I had never bowled. I once hung out at a bowling alley while living in Bowling Green, OH with my brother after college graduation. He bowled. I drank beer and was wide-eyed due to the fabulous people watching.

Is it really shocking that I've never been? I mean, look at these shoes. You have to wear shoes OTHER PEOPLE have worn. And they aren't even cute. They are almost worse than golf shoes (see Why are Golf Shoes so Ugly for more elaboration on this point.)

My friends find it inconceivable. So I decided it was a must do and went on a weekday afternoon in Manassas, VA and luckily it was predominantly a ghost town. My first time up, I threw a spare. The "crowd" went wild. And then the wheels fell off. See, it turns out, I suck at bowling. I mean, I'm really bad. Beer must make it better but we weren't drinking.

And why was I so bad? I blame the shoes. It is impossible to excel at life in hideous footwear. I think they killed my mojo. As a matter of fact, I think that's what happens on the golf course too. Maybe tap dancing would be a better hobby for me. At least you can wear shoes that sparkle and shine.

(And in case you wondering, I was laughing so hard the whole time I could barely breathe. It was a blast! Despite the shoes...)