How Old Is She?

Yesterday the Next Day Blinds Consultant came so that I can finally get the blinds for the bedrooms.  They all have window treatments but the blinds will complete the look of the house.  Not to mention the fact that the Golfice is the hottest room in the house because the sun just sits there in the afternoon.  The pups love it, the man does not.

So we walk through each room and she measures and writes the name of the room down, "master bedroom, Mom's room, Golfice".  And then we walk in to the Daisy room and she says, "What a bright and wonderful room!  How old is she?"

The sound you hear is my heart sinking.  And the reality is I decorated the room this way because I had always wanted a room based on the Gerber Daisy painting my friend Whitney had done for me years ago.  But I didn't say any of that.  I simply said, "5".

And I don't know why.  Somehow, it just seemed easier.  And I realize I am perfectly justified in decorating my house anyway I want.  After all, it is my house.  But seeing this room through the consultant's eyes, it just seemed sad. So I lied. And then I felt sad.

The truth is, that a 5 year old does sleep here a couple of times a year with her 8 year old sister - my Goddaughters.  And I knew they would love how girlie it is when I decorated it.  But that doesn't justify the lie.  Why is it, on the eve of my 39th birthday, I somehow feel "less than" because I'm not a mom?

My internal clock ticks loudly these days.  So loudly it seemed to drown out the truth yesterday.  In all honesty, I could have said 7 and 8 because, as you can see, Stella and Sophie love the daisy room.  And, yes, my mother would say, "You are a Mom - to Sophie and Stella."  And I am and I love them ferociously. But you and I know it isn't the same.

So if you want to stay in the girliest place in town, just let me know.  No one else is using it.  Sophie and Stella don't mind sharing.